Foster carers Bob and Dawn currently foster three teenage girls. They recently spoke to us about their experience of fostering and how rewarding it is fostering teenagers.
Why foster teenagers?
Bob and Dawn started fostering after speaking to a friend at work who was a foster carer. Dawn explained that “[they] suggested that we went to the local authority as they would be able to give us the support and training that we would need as new foster carers.”
“We always wanted to foster teenagers as this suited our lifestyle better, Bob likes a lie in! We currently foster three teenage girls, our oldest young person has been with us for over 4 years.”
Challenging the misconceptions about teenagers
Bob and Dawn admitted that initially they had some reservations about fostering teenagers and that “we were concerned that the teenagers would be ‘nightmares’ that everyone warns you about. People assume that teenagers in foster care would be alcohol and drug abusing”.
However, Bob and Dawn quickly discovered that this misconception was certainly not the case for the teenagers that they have fostered: “our actual experience is that we have not experienced that at all.”
“Most teenagers want a safe, stable and consistent home... you have got to give them a chance. All young people are individuals, you also have to remember that you’re not there to try and fix them or change their past, but to help and guide them to their next stage in life.”
Celebrating a young person’s successes
Bob and Dawn have many fostering highlights, in particular, “seeing the young person turn a corner to see that it's possible for them to achieve.” Bob and Dawn foster a young person named Kelly (name changed for anonymity).
A memorable moment was “Kelly getting her GCSE’s and going on to further education…we also showed Kelly what she was capable of. She was originally predicted 0/1 grades in her GCSEs, and actually passed every subject. We are so proud of her. She is now planning on going to university after she passes her current beauty therapy course. She never thought it was possible before.”
Other highlights include foster children “Lilian and Tanya (names both changed for anonymity) both getting a place at the National Horse Racing College.” Bob told us that “the young people do not believe in themselves and did not think it was possible. They do not believe in themselves because no one else has, but we do!” Offering that belief can have a huge impact, as it has for the three young people in Bob and Dawn’s care.
Support for fostering teenagers
Bob and Dawn told us that “getting the right supervising social worker is important”. They explained that “Kelly was excluded when she first came into our care and it was hard to get Kelly into school at first, we kept getting calls to pick her up, our Supervising Social Worker was fantastic and supported us.”
Bob and Dawn are also part of a Mockingbird Family Model Hub. Mockingbird is a support system for fostering families that connects up to 10 households. Bob and Dawn told us that “the support that we have received from the Hub has been immeasurable. The young people in our care have also enjoyed socialising with the other young people in the Hub.”
Bob and Dawn have also received great support from friends and family: “Everyone in the community just assumes that they are our children. They have been friendly and offered their help and support when they have found out that we are foster carers. Most people are sympathetic towards the young people in our care.”
Our advice to someone considering fostering teenagers
“Just give it a go, it’s not as bad as what you think. Stick to the rules and boundaries that you put in place, don’t keep moving the goal posts for teenagers. Set out expectations of behaviour early on. We also don’t hold a grudge, we sort it out there and then and we don’t bring it up again, we also don’t go to bed on a disagreement.”